Parenting
By Pastor Doug in Living Life on September 16, 2019
The Bible says, “It takes wisdom to have a good family, and it takes understanding to make it strong.” (Proverbs 24:3) Healthy families are not an accident. They are the result of wise actions and wise decisions by wise parents. Some parents do these things more instinctively than do the rest of us. We have to learn these things as a parent so we can incorporate them into our very life. Our vision of parenting needs to be rearranged so it reflects what’s really important about parenting.
What is important … let me share the 4 P’S OF PARENTING ON PURPOSE. #1. PREPARE YOUR KIDS FOR LIFE! The Bible says that one of the goals for parenting is to prepare your kids for life. God intends the family to be a learning center for life. You learn things in your family that you don’t learn anywhere else. You learn life’s basic skills in the family — walk, talk, eat … use a tv remote — all the basic skills of life you learn in the family. God says we are to prepare our kids for life.
The Bible says this about Jesus in Luke 2:52 “Jesus grew in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and with man.” Circle the four ways Jesus grew. Those are the same four ways you, as a parent, have to help your children to grow.
First it says Jesus grew in wisdom. That’s mental or intellectual growth. He grew in stature. That’s physical growth. He grew in favor with God. Spiritual growth. He grew in favor with man. That’s social growth.
That ought to be the goals you have in your family for each of your children, that you help them have balanced growth — mental, physical, spiritual and social. The Bible is very clear that the primary responsibility of raising children, helping them be prepared for life, is laid at the feet of parents. It’s your responsibility. The moment you took part in a conception you got a job description. You took on a role.
Part of that job description is described in the next verse. Deuteronomy 6:7 “You must teach these commandments to your children and talk about them when you are at home or out for a walk, at bedtime and the first thing in the morning.”
This says several things:”You” — this is not talking about the government, a preschool, a grade school, a private school, some club, even the church. It’s talking about you if you’re a parent. You are primarily responsible to prepare your kids for life, not some preschool or anybody else.
“Must” — this is not optional. It’s not, “if you have time for it you must do these things” or “It’s ok whether you do them or not.” It says “You must…” It’s not optional.
“You must teach…” Parents are teaching all the time whether they realize it or not. If your kids are around you, you’re teaching them sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally. They’re watching every move. You’re modeling, exampling, showing how to live. You are constantly teaching. The only question is, “What are you teaching?”
“You must teach these commandments” They are commandments, not suggestions. God didn’t give us ten suggestions. He said these are commandments you are to do. As parents there are three areas we especially have to be concerned with in raising kids, helping prepare them for life. Three things, if you get anything taught, you’ve got to get these down.
- Relationships. For better or for worse, your happiness in life is determined by your relationships. If you know how to relate to people, if you know how to get along with people, you’re probably going to be happy a good percentage of your life. If you don’t know how to get along, if you don’t know how to relate to people, you’re going to be miserable most of your life. One of the most important skills the family teaches is how to relate.
- Character. Character is formed in the home. What is character? Character is the sum total of your choices and your habits. As you help your kids develop good habits, they develop good character. If they don’t develop good habits, they’re not going to have good character no matter what you say. Character is more caught than it is taught. You have to model that. Character is formed in DISCIPLINE. Providing consistent boundaries for your child so they develop into people who respect authority because they respect you! The Bible says, “If you refuse to discipline your children, you really don’t love them. If you love your children, you will be prompt to discipline them.”
- Values. What’s really important in life. Whether you realize it or not, your kids are always picking up values from you, whether you teach them formally or not. They’re picking up, by just watching you, they’re seeing what’s really important in your life. Values about work, about life, about money, about time, about sex, about other people, about the world, about the future, about what’s really important, about God. Those values are constantly being communicated and picked up one way or the other.
I know you’ve heard people say, “I’m not going to impose my spiritual values on my kids. I’m going to let them decide for themselves.” Baloney! What that basically says is “God is an option.” He is not an option. You are hurting your kids if you say God is an option. As long as they are under your roof, you have the right to impose on them certain standards. When they’re out on their own, of course they have to make their own decision. But if you don’t force your kids to go to church, where do you think they’ll get their values? At school? When you say, “I’m not going to impose my values on my kids” what you’re doing is abdicating your authority as a parent. And you’re abdicating it to the television. Television is the number one purveyor of values today. Is that what you want?
The Bible says one day we’re all going to be judged before God and give an account of our lives. I suggest that you Parent on Purpose — be more intentional. Make a list of the values you think are important, that you value. Then start intentionally sharing those, making sure those come up in the conversation with your kids. Don’t just let it go haphazard. Because it’s not true that all you need is love. You need wisdom.
#2. PROTECT THEM IN STORMS Change … failure … rejection … hurt … disappointment … tragedy …. One of the parental tasks is protecting kids in storms! Notice the phrase is protecting kids “in storms” … not protecting your kids “FROM storms.” We as parents would like to protect our children from all the storms of life. That just isn’t possible.
Jesus was very honest about life and the reality of storms in life. He said, “In this world you will have trouble.”(John 16:33) Life is full of storms. It breaks our hearts, but our children experience hurt, harsh treatment, rejection, change in the world. They need a place where they can be loved, valued, affirmed and where they can learn how to deal with the storms of life in a safe environment.
Proverbs 14:26 says, “Reverence for God gives a man deep strength; his children have a place of refuge and security.” God has intended that the home provide the strength needed to weather the storms.
So how can you protect your kids in storms?
PREPARE THEM FOR THE STORMS! I already mentioned the Deuteronomy 6 passage. Talk to kids about everything. If you want them to talk with you, you will have to have shared your life with them. Even though you think they are too young. That’s how they learn how to be an adult.
LOVE THEM THROUGH THE STORMS: Use the 3 H’s …
HEAR: Hear your children! Listen to them … the more you tell them about your life, the more they will share with you. Make yourself available to them. Each kid had a unique time when they were ready to share. For instance, You need to make yourself available for when they
HUG THEM … Express affection to them physically. Every time you do, you communicate that you love them!
HOPE – build the kids up! Communicate how God has worked in your life and in theirs. That will assure them that God is in control. Affirm them. That makes them strong. So whatever is going on in your life, be sure you do what it takes to build into your family a shelter in the time of storm.
#3. PLAY WITH YOUR KIDS NOW! God intends families to be a haven for happiness, a format for fun, and a place to party. A place to kick back, relax, have fun, have a good time. It ought to be a place of fun.
I have a pet peeve. A lot of Christians get so serious about the first point I talked about — the learning center thing. They want to get the values right, the character right, the relationships right. They’re so up tight, afraid they’re going to make some mistake. God’s word to you today is this: Lighten up! You’re coming on a little bit heavy.
A family that prays together, stays together. Also, the family that plays together, stays together.
“Children are a gift from God.” Gifts are meant to be enjoyed not just endured. A lot of parents endure their kids; they don’t enjoy them. But gifts are meant to be enjoyed, not just endured. Deuteronomy 16 says “Celebrate with your whole family.” Party down. Have a good time. Do some fun stuff. Ecclesiastes 11:8 However years a man may live, let him enjoy them all! If you wait until all your problems are gone to start enjoying life, you’ll never enjoy life. You’ve got to enjoy it while you’re having problems. The truth is kids are inherently funny.
The fact is, your kids aren’t going to be with you forever. Parenting is just a season of life. You better enjoy it while you’ve got it. Someday things are going to be a whole lot different. The kitchen will be incredibly neat. The sink will stay free of sticky dishes. Someday when the kids are grown up, the instrument called the TV will be available to adults. Someday when the kids are grown I’ll actually be able to see through car windows. Fingerprints, tongue licks, sneaker foot prints, dog tracks will be conspicuous by their absence. Someday when the kids are grown we’ll return to normal conversation. `Gross’ won’t punctuate every sentence seven times. `Yuk’ will not be heard. `Hurry up, I gotta go!’ will not be accompanied by banging fists on the bathroom door. Someday when the kids are grown, things will be a lot different. In fact, the entire house will be quiet and calm and filled with memories. And lonely and we won’t like it. And we’ll spend our time not looking forward to someday but looking back to yesterday and thinking `Maybe we can baby sit the grandkids and get some life back in this old place for a while.’
If your home isn’t fun while your kids are growing up, don’t be surprised if they don’t come back often when they’re grown. Why should they?
So how do you evaluate yourself on this one? How often do you party at your house? Do you enjoy your kids or just endure them? Do you actually plan fun times or are you so busy that you don’t have time for any fun?
You need to prepare your kids for life, protect your kids in storms, play with your kids for fun and one other.
#4. POINT THEM TO GOD . This was always the most important part of raising kids for me. I could make a lot of mistakes, but if I failed to help them know God, who was going to be able to help them through all of life, I would have really failed.
Ephesians 6:4 says “Fathers, bring up your children in the training and instruction of the Lord.” The most important lesson that we teach our kids is to know and love God. If I had one goal for my kids, it was that they would never reject God. Chris was afraid that because I was a pastor, my kids would be at risk. She had never know a pastor’s kids who had a relationship with God when it was all said and done.
I know now that the parents who fail in this area fail because they themselves don’t know God very well. Kids can’t be fooled. If you don’t have a daily relationship with Jesus Christ, then you can’t give it to your kids. Kids know authenticity. If you tell your kids to pray about something and they don’t see you do it or they never hear of experiences you have had they won’t either.
Point them to God. Have a spiritual life. Children also need to be around other Christian adults. They need to have adult Christian influence. That’s where church comes into play … and Christian friends come into play. We built this into our family life – and it isn’t because I’m a pastor. Church should not be an option. Kids don’t have an option to be educated. Spiritual things are more important than education!
Pointing our kids to God is the most important thing we can do for them.
The bottom line is healthy families are not an accident. They are intentionally built by wise parents who do wise things. Prepare their kids for life. Protect them in storms, play with them now and point them to God.
In other words … the key to Parenting on Purpose is truly to become more like Jesus!
It starts with a commitment. Several thousand years ago, a guy named Joshua stood in front of an entire nation and he said, “Choose this day what you’re going to do. But as for me and my house, we’re going to serve the Lord.” Parents — moms, dads — have you said that about your family? — As for me and my house, we’re going to serve the Lord. He wasn’t out to win a popularity contest. He wasn’t out to be Mr. Cool. He just said, “We’re going to do the right thing. For me and my house, we’re going to serve the Lord.”
If you want a healthy family, you need to make that kind of commitment. You commit your own life to Jesus Christ and say, “Jesus, I need Your help in all my life — not just parenting. You be my savior.” Then you say, “I commit my family. I dedicate my family to you. They’re gifts are from You. I dedicate them back to You — my spouse, my children.” Then you dedicate yourself to becoming a wise parent. You say, “I don’t think I’ve very wise. I need to develop the wisdom you need to do the right thing, to be the kind of parent that produces those kinds of kids and builds a healthy family.” It’s important. It’s more important than your job.